Well...

Hello there. I was going to post yesterday but I had a few things to clear up. For example yesterday, it would have been my third year anniversary to the relationship that ended recently. At the thought of it I never gave her a name. Her name is Jess. Anyway, she was the reason for me not posting yesterday. I am so madly in love with her, and yet there is not a damn thing I can do about it. except maybe drink. Or smoke for that matter, but I don't want to numb these feelings, it gives me great pleasure, and sadness simultaneously, in remembering those last few years. The love, companionship, sex, all of that I love and miss greatly. I wish there was a change of heart on her part, but as the line goes, it's for the best.

I have to admit, I did cry last night, lying in bed. I wondered what she would be doing right now. Probably out enjoying herself as she won't have work the following day. I hate to say it but I can't move on. My heart won't let me, no matter what my head says, it will not budge. It comforts me though, knowing that I still hold a beacon of light for her. I don't know if she holds one for me, I doubt I will ever know.

I wish I could get some help on this, but I don't know if anyone can. There's no one I really know that can help me. It's painful to come to terms with this. Maybe I can get my love life sorted, maybe it will fall into place. one day.

I want to share a song with you. It is a song made by a band in Stockholm, Sweden. It's not a song that been 'released' like those you hear on the main radio stations, more like one of those songs that you come across when you aimlessly browse the web. Anyway here it is. The link for the song is below.

-.AA.-

Mental Issues - You

Where have you gone now?

You left me here all alone and i can't breath

Why did you let me down

All my thoughts of you will fade now

This feels so unreal

Why can't you let me wake up from this nightmare

I don't know what to believe

And this is all because of you

This is all a waste of time

To think about you

My memory destroys itself

To let me forget about you

Now I'm done with you

This was the last time you let me down

I don't give a shit anymore

Why can;t you open your eyes and see

Why won't you listen now

It's my turn to speak up and put you down

I just wrote to say goodbye

I'm deleting the memories of you

This is all a waste of time

To think about you

My memory destroys itself

To let me forget about you

Now everything is clear

Like you suddenly disappeared

And all I want

Is for you to be gone

This is all a waste of time

To think about you

My memory destroys itself

To let me forget about you

Now everything is clear

Like you suddenly disappeared

And all I want

Is for you to be gone