Fuck it. Sometimes it takes too long in my life for me to care anymore. yet, at this moment in time, I do give a damn. Last month, I received word that my Grandma had passed away. As I was very close to her, closer than my mum in some respects, I felt completely at a loss. I lost the biggest influence in my world, and I can not turn to someone. That didn't help. Yet, if anything, I tried to keep it quiet, especially at college. I had work experience at the time, and I had to leave to help with the preparations. I was working alongside Ferdi, one of the guys that was on the course with me and took the same post as me for work experience, grilled the Team Leaders to why I weren't showing up. he already knew of my Grandma's previous stays at hospital, so when Benson, one of the Team Leaders, mentioned something about family issues, he twigged on. He called me the Friday after her death and said to me 'my condolences, mate, i hope you are coping.' Truth was, I weren't. I had time off college, I was progressively becoming recluse, and smoking more and more each day. Then the following Wednesday, I went into College. It was the day before and I only went in to grab some paperwork and have a chat to the Leaders. I took one step into the class, and everyone stopped to look at me. They knew by now, so it wasn't long before the period of awkwardness and mumbled apologies. I never get that, saying sorry to hear about death to someone. Anyway, The funeral came and went, a little revelation at a wake (apparently, the second-woman-I-have-ever-slept-with's mother grew up with my mother, both were army kids, who knew?), which surprised me, now my love life took a good turn.
Zoe, an old, younger friend from the Red Lion days, started up a relationship with a Toni's sister, Leigh. Then I found out from Toni, who is under the same roof as me, started sleeping with her behind Leigh's back. Now, me being me, saw opportunity in this situation, and I don't mean in a good way. I offered Zoe to come over for a drink between the two of us, to which she agreed. She came over, looking like she always does, tight clothes showing off near enough everything. We sat and reminisced over Apple Sourz and Stella. It's funny how much can come up from the past. Conversation moved on, and with the added courage of drink in me, ventured into her subject of her love life. She sighed for a moment, and told me the whole thing. Now, for the sake of simplicity, I'll give the basics. Her relationship with Leigh started up my chance, meeting at a house rave and hitting off from there. Soon came the meeting with Toni, and it changed again. Zoe said that every time she was with Leigh, she thought of Toni, and that included when the couple were fucking. So she started linking Toni on the sly when Leigh was elsewhere. And now she feels closer to Toni than she does Leigh, but she can't dump Leigh on that alone. Leigh takes after Toni in most respects, and that includes the self harm. Leigh, like Toni, falls for everyone she meets, so you can imagine the pain this girl has went through each and every time. Leigh said to me once before I met with Zoe that if she found out Zoe had been sleeping around, she would top herself. Same old story then.
A few drinks later, and the flirting starts. I tell Zoe about what I thought of her while we grew up, that girl who you know is going to be overtly sexual, but you know the label you would get if we slept together (There was a lot superficial-ness in those days, so image and respect counted). She laughed at that, and kissed me. I could not resist, She is insanely erotic, taking every opportunity to turn on every one in the room. Things moved quickly, ending up under the covers of my bed. the sex was good. She knew her way around a man's body, and quickly worked out what gave someone pleasure. I had a feeling she took control a lot during sex, pushing to do what she thought would be good. I didn't let her, taking charge myself and pleasured her in every way I knew. She was...impatient at times, wanting to work on me, but not getting anywhere. It's true what they about men being impatient lovers, but for a guy and an impatient woman to share a bed, well it's a different experience in itself really. Fighting to take control of the motions, dealing out the pleasure in ways that suits us best. It turned things into an exciting game.
We have been seeing each other more since then, both with the others about and in private. Only one person knows about the four way romance, and that is Stephen. He is my confidant in Chilton, so his wisdom on things help in my life. He warned me about getting involved with Zoe like that, being Toni's, and Leigh's, response to when their love interest is fucking other people. I respect his view, but I am not going to stop. I like seeing Zoe when I do, and anyhow, Toni and Leigh are too high all the time. Sounds selfish, I know, but like I said, fuck it. Got nothing to lose, ain't I?
Well, time for me to sort my life out. I shall return very soon.
-.AA.-
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