Two Conflicting Thoughts...

I've been thinking. In all my time of working on things that needed doing in my life this year, I haven't got a clue as to where I'm going. Should I carry on this road that I am walking, or should I take the turn off? If let's say, for example, I take the sum of everything I have accomplished and compare it to what I hoped to have done, it just doesn't add up. Yes, I have vastly improved my love life, creating a network that rivals even Alex's impressive list, and yes, I have learned a lot more about myself, and yes, I am on track to completing my mission, but has it been enough? Back in September, I hoped that I would be doing what I wanted to be doing by now, a regular life with all the trimmings, but I haven't made it. Have I failed though? In my opinion, no I don't think so. I think that certain parts of my life are just taking longer than they should. Maybe it's the current state of affairs, maybe it's that the distractions of life (not sex mind) took more dominance than the more key elements that needed focus. Or, in all honesty, I'm getting lazy. Out of all that, a part of me is glad of the way things have turned out. I have found a passion to which I can actually stick to, and I have created a facet of my personality which fits in such a way that denounces a lot of my shortcomings. And in all that, there is that conflict. A part of me is saying that I have failed in my task, while another is saying that I have done done things which I wouldn't usually do, and that I should be proud of that.

The thing is, if I take a step back, I should really see both of these thoughts as correct. Yes, I have failed in what I originally set out, but I did all that and more. Maybe I'm just thinking too hard, and I should just think over the nice little session I had with Jen tonight. Mmm, that was a good session. at least a good hour of nothing more than pure sex. N o games, no whips (thank god), just good old straight sex. It is one worth remembering, and one I will share with you, after I have slept.

One more little thing before I retire. I have written up the next chapter of my Dark Angels work, and I will post it up in a couple of days. But until then, I shall sleep and dream on the nights sensations.

-.AA.-