Two Ls...

We were sitting around the room, smoking, drinking, eating pizza. Conversation was light, small talk mainly. I kept glancing at her body, her small curves contrasting with her bust. I knew she noticed, yet she never said anything. Conversation, and wine, flowed, our talk moved into more intimate territory. I was waiting for this, my history with people preceded with her, yet she didn't noticed the connection until I opened my mouth. She questioned my sexuality, my 'skills', as it were, my bedpost, all the things that go around with my story. I answered honestly, keeping an eye on my girl's expression. She watched us quietly, whether through fascination or terror, I never knew. The questions kept coming, each one more and more revealing than the last. I told her, with all honest intention, that I was felling turned on from the conversation. She merely smiled, and so did my girl. I smiled in kind, more out of thought than respect, the thought of what I could do to her, what pleasures, and pains, she would experience. I already know her limits, she told me so over the phone. I left the room, in need of a glass, thinking about the wine I was drinking, thinking of offering her a glass. She had declined before, but she had a few bottles of Ice left, but now she was on empty, so I thought to keep her occupied. I was a mere moment, grabbing a glass from the cupboard, I return to the room to find a different view. I found them together, my girlfriend and her, together in each other's arms. I knew them two have got close before, but not to what they were doing. Their hands explored each other, t-shirts rising above their breasts. Their hands massaged each other. Lips, locked in a tight embrace, tongues twisting. I sat down and shut the door, they never showed any notice at all. My girl's hand slid down beneath her friends waist, beneath her jeans. I saw a flair of pleasure, a shock of lusty pleasure shooting up her back. My lover's mouth moved down, wrapping along the contours of her neck. I poured three more glasses, the white greneche's sweet scent exiting my lips. I a little longer, seeing the lust and pleasure before me, and wondered whether to let them enjoy each other, or to join in...

Initiating...

Sweet wine trickled down my throat. The air in the room was hot, even with the fan on at full, sexual tension reaching fever pitch. The girls, though tipsy on the wine, couldn't be relaxed, their nerves restraining them from making the first step. I look to the only other man in the room. An European, his amiable demeanour softened my mood. I needed to get things going, thinking what I could do to break the ice. Then it came to me, the one thing that I know relaxes people. I reach for the draw, sifting through the things to find what I required. I find the lotion underneath one of my silk ties, prompting another thought to cross my mind, making me smile. I stand up, sliding the bottle into my back pocket. I turn to one of the girls, my partner's best mate, and offer a massage, as I noticed that her shoulders seemed tense. She looked to her European boyfriend, who, with a smile on his face, nodded. She agrees, asking where she needs to be.

"Lie on your stomach, and remove your clothes." The experienced smile on my face spreads, my eyes tracing the contours of her neck.She does as she is asked, lying down to remove her bra. I sit beside her, warming the lotion between my hands. I work from the bottom, spreading the cream around her back. Her skin was soft, supple, I wanted to reach down and taste her neck. I restrain my impulse, and carry on with my duty. Slow, rhythmical movements trace her contours. Within a few short minutes, I notice her body, slowly relaxing herself in my company. I look over to the others, they were whispering to each other, their conversation inaudible over the music. I smile a them, and beckon for my girlfriend to come over. I tell her to take over, and to concentrate on her points. She does so nicely, the girl barely noticing the change. I walk to the Euro, and whisper something to him.

"In a moment, go and kiss my girl's neck, slowly." In his eyes, he sees the pattern I'm playing, and nods his head, gripping the arms of the chair he is sitting on.I sit on the table, turning the sound down a notch, and lit up a cigarette. I watch him move slowly, a panther on the hunt, and gracefully mould himself to my woman. I hear the wet kisses, I see his hands exploring her, I watch her back arch. Soon, the other notices the lack of movement on her back, and turns her head. Her eyes go wide, seeing the scene played out before her, then wider as I move to her. I stroke her face, telling her to let it go naturally, and lean in to take her lips...

Smoky Haze...

I stroked her body through the cotton vest she was wearing. Every inch was left untouched, my hands wandering, exploring her. Her sighs and moans told me where she liked to be touched. Her hips rocked underneath my hands, exposed skin tightened, hairs raising. I lean in and kiss her neck, tongue darting between my lips, leaving faint trails, like footsteps, along her curve. I whisper into her ear, murmuring about a drink. I rise to leave the room, I felt her hand slide down my naked torso, fingers playfully hooking onto the hem of my shorts. I grab my glass from the kitchen, taking in a sip. the sweet taste of the wine made it's illicit way down my throat. I go back to the room, opening the door slowly. I see her there on my bed, her body exposed to the world, cigarette burning gracefully from her fingers. She takes a pull, smiling at the look on my face. 'Do you like what you see?' She asked, noticing the growing bulge between my legs, and the movement of my eyes, which were following the contours of her body. I merely smile, setting the wine down on the table. I take the cigarette from her, taking a deep pull. I breath out, my vision clouded by the haze. 'Darling,' I began, my eyes locking to hers, 'you already know that answer...' My voice trailed off as I leaned in to kiss her lips, my hands drifting their way down to her soaking mound...

The Weekend...

It's 2:30pm, according to my phone. She is close, almost at the station. I wait at the platform patiently, eagerly waiting for the weekend, our weekend, to begin. It is humid, cloying heat raking my lungs with each breath. My heart thumped deep within my chest, sweat dripping off my brow in time with the beat. I can see the train in the distance, pulling into it's last stop. I turned the off the music blaring through my headphones, chilled Indie, trying to keep my chest from bursting from excitement.

The crowd spewed from the compact train, the buzz of their daily lives echoing off the curved ceiling. My eyes scan the crowd, looking for the lass and her long, brown hair.I catch her glancing eyes, my smile spreading across my face. We embraced each other, lips locked in passion. Oh, how I wanted to take her then and there! It took all of my will to stop myself, and all my strength to stop showing my hunger for her touch. I smiled at her, and led her off to home. I felt her hand pinch my bottom through my jean's fabric, a cheeky smile gracing her lips. We hurried back to mine, the walk taking what seemed forever. All through the trip, we teased and tantalised each other, hands searching every inch of our backs, lips feeling their way across lips, cheeks, necks. My hunger grew, wanting to savour each and every taste of her, her eyes telling me the same. Those eyes of hers, fractured circles of Arctic ice ringed by sand, undressed me at each turn.

We reached my door, my hands fumbling for my keys. I unlocked the door, dragging my prey inside. Shutting ang bolting the door, I threw her onto the bed, jumping on top of her like a hunter of old. She bit her lips, aware of my darker side, yet not experienced. The course of that morning saw a revelation to her. She knew what to expect of me, yet didn't realise the full extent. Now was my chance to show her who I was. A predator, an insatiable thirst for passion, for intensity. I devoured her mouth, lips and tongues clashing in lethal dance. Hands raked her sides, pulling at material, ripping thin membranes. One hand held her head, securing it against  my mouth while we kissed.The other slid it's way down, across her stomach, below her waist, fingers searching for her sweet lips. I spread her legs, gaining more ground, fingers touching the edge of her pussy. She was moist, and my hunger couldn't take no more. I needed to feed.

I grabbed at her waistband, tugging it down, leaving nothing behind. I flung the fever-ripped material away, and stared hungrily into her eyes. She knew what was to come, and parted herself to receive what I had waiting. At that, I dived, tongue searching for treasures of pure ecstasy. Juices flowed, tongue dancing in revelry, fingers delving further. Her body shook, waves crashing through her, orgasms weakening her resolve to resist me. I pushed on, my relentless nature taking hold. Her moans and screams heightened my senses, toying with my desire to launch my final attack. I made my preparations, shedding my clothing to the floor, still not letting go of her.

My prey was all but spent, her body unable to take any more of my assault. Noticing her disposition, I rose up, wiping her juices away from my mouth. I leant in and kissed, awakening her mind. I looked into her eyes, seeing her lust, her pleasure, the emotional hurricane ripping through her head. I smiled, malice playing itself in. She merely nodded, ready to take on what was to come. I checked myself, laid down my foundations, checked my hood, and penetrated her body.

I allowed myself to go slow, letting her get used to this new sensation. With each thrust, I sent new waves into her, notions of climax few and far between. Granted, she held her ground, but I knew she would want more. I kept the the pace, waiting for the sign. I got it. She whispered, whispering words which made me lick my lips in anticipation: 'harder'. I obliged, my speed accelerating, my thrusts going in harder, deeper. I felt her writhe underneath me, unable to hold any more. Screams of pleasure erupted from those soft lips, nails raking my back, trying to fight back. It only fuelled my fire. I kept pushing on, building up the intensity of my invasiveness. I could feel myself ready for the final blow, wanting to explode in the euphoria of the moment. I held myself back, waiting for her to collapse. She did, her body weakened, her breath shallow. I knew it was time. I allowed my own pleasure to erupt forth, an intense orgasm destroying what was left of my energy.

I collapsed. Adrenaline levels were coming down,  the beast inside of me returning to it's lair. My senses were returning, catching notions of movement beyond the walls around us. Conversation, music, cooking. Stephen was home. She moved beside me, wrapping herself around me. She wore a smile of content, she was satisfied. I had to admit, I felt the same. The intensity of the moment had consumed me, turned me primal. Times like that were rare for me, even more so during sex. A smile spread across my face at the thought, and leaned over for a smoke.

We chatted for a while, allowing our bodies to recover. We smoked, had few drinks, it was...surprisingly candid. It seemed almost as if anything went with her. It all felt a little too relaxed for someone who's used to the post-sex silence that normally follows. Then again, it made for a refreshing change.

We went at it for for a few more rounds, each one better, longer, more intense than the last. The end of the night beckoned for us to sleep. I felt myself dropping into unconsciousness late into the night. I mind played the events of the day back, all the emotion, the lust, the fire we created. The images were vibrant, a kaleidoscope of colours. Lust filled icy-blue eyes dominated all that I saw. Lips enveloping my slick piece, orgasms powering through my body, the screams of my prey filling my ears, and igniting my primal side even further.

I awoke to see her lazing in my chair, cigarette clasped between dainty figures.She passes a comment about my sleep, something regarding my posture. I merely laugh then lean in for a kiss. She responds in kind, putting the cigarette down into the ashtray. I reach for her, hands touching places that excite her, hers reaching my own. We lay back on the bed, mutual masturbation giving our bodies a wake up call. I work faster, bringing this woman to further reaches of pleasure. She brings me to the edge, my muscles tightening at the sensations. We explode together, like two suns going supernova. We lie there, she on top of me, breath caught short by the experience. I grab two smokes, light them, and pass one over.

The day goes by quietly, our bodies still to exhausted by all the pleasure. Conversation flowed. Gossip on mutual friends and events of the night that we missed filtering down to us. The other that I had designs on, has been equally as naughty as we had been that night. Many were in a buzz over us as well. I had to smile at the disturbance I created with this group. I don't think they had come across such a person as me before, able to sweep many women in a single day, the anger some of the men that their muses were preoccupied by this older, more experienced man. To be honest, I didn't really care. I got who I wanted, and I was happy with that.

She receives a call from home, it was time for her to take care of other duties. I took her down to the station, waiting with her by the platform. Her train rolls in, she leaves a single, lingering kiss on my lips and walks away. I watch the train leave the station, taking her to her own destination. I make my way to the local pub, fancying a taste of the beer. She sends me a text, thanking me for the weekend. I reply: 'That's alright Lydia, it has been an exciting weekend for me too, I hope we can do it again.'

'Oh, it will happen.' Came the reply...

Two Conflicting Thoughts...

I've been thinking. In all my time of working on things that needed doing in my life this year, I haven't got a clue as to where I'm going. Should I carry on this road that I am walking, or should I take the turn off? If let's say, for example, I take the sum of everything I have accomplished and compare it to what I hoped to have done, it just doesn't add up. Yes, I have vastly improved my love life, creating a network that rivals even Alex's impressive list, and yes, I have learned a lot more about myself, and yes, I am on track to completing my mission, but has it been enough? Back in September, I hoped that I would be doing what I wanted to be doing by now, a regular life with all the trimmings, but I haven't made it. Have I failed though? In my opinion, no I don't think so. I think that certain parts of my life are just taking longer than they should. Maybe it's the current state of affairs, maybe it's that the distractions of life (not sex mind) took more dominance than the more key elements that needed focus. Or, in all honesty, I'm getting lazy. Out of all that, a part of me is glad of the way things have turned out. I have found a passion to which I can actually stick to, and I have created a facet of my personality which fits in such a way that denounces a lot of my shortcomings. And in all that, there is that conflict. A part of me is saying that I have failed in my task, while another is saying that I have done done things which I wouldn't usually do, and that I should be proud of that.

The thing is, if I take a step back, I should really see both of these thoughts as correct. Yes, I have failed in what I originally set out, but I did all that and more. Maybe I'm just thinking too hard, and I should just think over the nice little session I had with Jen tonight. Mmm, that was a good session. at least a good hour of nothing more than pure sex. N o games, no whips (thank god), just good old straight sex. It is one worth remembering, and one I will share with you, after I have slept.

One more little thing before I retire. I have written up the next chapter of my Dark Angels work, and I will post it up in a couple of days. But until then, I shall sleep and dream on the nights sensations.

-.AA.-

Jen

Right, now Jen is one of the six lovers that I have at the moment (what can I say, I like variety ;) ). I have been seeing her since November last year. a blonde, very leggy lass, never afraid to so how what she has got. She's one of those Uni girls, and true to form there is no limit in her sexual desires. I can think of one session that we had where she really went all out.

She gave me a call at about 2:30 on a warm, March afternoon, wanting to release some 'pent up horniness', as she calls it, and have a little smoke after. I agreed, and arranged to be at hers in about half an hour (I found out when I first met her, in a bar, as you do, that she lived just down the road from me in some decent student digs). I got there, a bit early, thankfully, and she greeted me at the door by throwing a leather noose around my neck, and pulling me in. I collided into the table in the hallway, breaking two of it's legs. She merely giggled, and said something about pulling a tad too hard. Then, the Dom inside her showed up. I never pegged her for this sort of game, but she was in her element. She threw orders at me, forcing me to strip down to nothing, whipping me with a cot-O-nine tails. I stood there seething at her, this isn't normally my sort of thing, I'm willing to participate if there are ground rules or something to the like, but not when it's jumped on me. She kept barking orders at me, like I was dog performing tricks for her. One order she gave was for me to lick every inch of her thigh-high boots. I hesitated, and she hit me again, drawing blood from my arm. The façade dropped, and she started apologising.

She barely got two words out. I grabbed her neck, swinging her into the bedroom door. I was shouting, having a go at her for depraving me in such a fashion. I can't remember what I said, except for one thing: 'You really want to play this game? Then I'll SHOW you how.' With that, I chucked her onto the bed. I ripped her bra and thong off, Jen screaming at me to stop I didn't listen, hell I didn't care. She had restraints set up, ready to bind me. I dragged her across the bed, shackling her her face down. I stood there, looking at Jen. She was struggling, trying to pull free from the restraints. Then, I felt the emotions coursing through my veins. Anger, so much anger was within me, yet equal to that was pleasure. It was so strong, I couldn't resist it's call.

I picked up the whip, studying it's design. Nine long strands, knotted in places, connected to a long, think, hard leather handle, with a large knot at it's base. Instantly, I knew what I was going to use it for. I went back to Jen, sliding my finger up her leg. She asked me what I was going to do. I merely said that I was going to make her scream. I could hear the fear in her voice, and pure malice in mine. It almost surprising to hear myself speak like this, this voice only awakens during times of extreme danger. Yet, this wasn't one of those times, they went a long time ago. I was confused, not understanding how such a beast that I had hoped was gone from my life to take over. And yet, like the most potent of drugs, I was completely under it's spell.

I glided my fingers down her back. She squirmed, touching every area that causes her so much pleasure. I circled her arse, tracing the side of her legs. I took the whip and brushed her cheeks. Jen struggled more, knowing what I was going to to her. Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Three lashes against her left cheek. Thwack! Three more against her right. She cried out at each one, her flesh visibly shaking. I out on another voice, one of sarcastic affection, and ridiculed her about her bum wriggling. I slid a finger down between her cheeks, deep red lines giving her skin a look of chaotic roads. I slid down, past her arse, and into the folds of her lips. I stroked her, bringing her body to the point of orgasm. I could hear her moans, her sounds obscured my the cotton sheets. I heckled her more, asking her if she was enjoying it. She moaned out a yes. I asked her if the whip was helping. She gave another forced yes. I smiled, knowing that I had succeeded in my mission.  I climbed on top of her and asked in the most softest voice I could muster, a voice that melts her heart. I asked her: 'Do you want me to fuck you, my little slut?'  She could only nod, my fingers pushing her past the edge. She screamed, a scream of a powerful orgasm, as I impaled her with my cock.

From there on in, I gave her what she craved. My erection penetrating her, filling her, pleasuring her. Came over and over, her screams waning in the afternoon glow. She begged for me to take of the cuffs, but I didn't. I just kept going, alternating between her cunt and her arse. I started to feel myself starting to reach my edge, so I stopped to take off the restraints. I laid down, and she climbed onto me guiding my throbbing cock into her pussy. She rolled her hips, tensing her muscles to bring me to my own, soul destroying orgasm. I collapsed, my anger, my emotions that fuelled this fire, spent from my dick, deep within my lover. I looked at her, her eyes mere centimetres away from mine, and all I could do in that moment, was smile...

-.AA.-

Wait A Minute...

Yesterday, I went out for a little jaunt with Tiggsz, only into town to have a quiet drink. Thing is, she got a call. A group of guys she hangs round with normally are around, and asked her to meet up with them. I was going to head back home, I had Jen coming over (Jen is one I haven't said anything about yet, but I will do soon), but Tiggsz had other ideas. She literally dragged me to the local shop to pick up a bottle of vodka. She was buying, so I thought why not? A few people, a few drinks, might even get a bit lucky here. So I went along for a while. We met up with this group, mainly the sort of people who I wouldn't socialise with, but friendly enough. I got chatting to a few faces I knew from when Tiggsz brought certain elements of the group back to Chilton. A couple of them though, I didn't know. Two girls, Lydia and Kim, were two fresh out of college students, enjoy the good life, and pretty much everything else. Anyhow, I got chatting to them, and Lydia, who at first was the sweet, innocent type, confidently told me that she was an 'open, bisexual, poly'. I nearly choked, no, really I did. For some reason I always find the ones you least expect. I just had to grill her. She told me a hell of a lot about her sexuality. She told me, in the most intimate details, what she likes, what she doesn't, how 'open minded' she is, what she is willing to do with a lover...oooh, I wanted to take her there and then in the park we were in.

Kim, however, is the exact opposite. More reserved than Lydia, she the sort of girl that, when the situation arises, wants her new partner to be 'exclusive' to her. Shge also, apparently, not that experienced in the bedroom. Well, I hate to say it, but I am surprised. Kim has a body to die for. Olive skin, ample boobs, a gorgeous round bum, hour-glass-like figure, lovely legs. On top of all that, she has a wonderful head on her. And quite right too. She, unlike me or Lydia, takes more pride in her own sort of way, not in her sexuality. I have to admit, I respected that in her, better to have a head, than to have a bedpost.

Now, the afternoon wore on, and Kim was nigh on glued to me the whole time. Not that I didn't mind. She does seem a nice girl, but I couldn't do what I do with her, I can see the complications from here. Later on, when the vodka died and the wind picked up, Tiggsz and I said our goodbyes, Lydia giving me a very hinted kiss to the lips, Kim giving me hug which felt like a vice, and we left for home. That evening, Lydia added me on Facebook, and we resumed the sex chat. for a good hour, we teased and flirted each other to death. It got to a point where I literally said 'fuck it, do you fancy meeting up sometime for a bit of fun?' All I got was a wink back. I hope that means a yes, because by god, I think I found a kindred spirit.

After that hour of intense conversation, we went to bed. Then both Aimee and Sonia contacted me to talk. Aimee, who has for the past day or two, been away in the Cotwolds out West, told me that she is planning to move out there with her father. Damn, I had a small feeling that she may head out there, but I didn't know it would be a permanent move. Sonia is leaving as well, she is going to head out to Leeds to be with her boyfriend. I couldn't believe it. The two girls I would drop all the others for, and they are both going away. How did I feel? Pretty pissed, to be absolutely honest with you. But, there is nothing that I can do about it, they have made their choices, I have to accept that and move on.

So, I had an eventful day yesterday, met a couple of gorgeous girls, and found out I'm going top lose a couple of close friends, and their regular company. An up and down day, but oh well, some you win, some you lose.

-.AA.-

*Sighs*...

OK...I'm not gonna lie to you. Right now, in my life, there are two people who I really want to say something to them. One of them is Sonia, a girl who I have known since I was...what? Thirteen? Anyway, I have held a candle to her for a long time now, and she knows this. God, we've tried before, but never really got off the ground, that's why we are 'FWB' at the moment. The other is Aimee. I've known, no, lived, with this girl for nigh on a year now, and I really want to tell her, but...I don't know, from the offset, she told she wouldn't get with anyone she lives with because of past experiences...still, we have a very close relationship, almost to the point where we nearly said 'fuck it' and done the deed there and then. But we didn't. Our moral values stopped us from it. Sometimes I wish it didn't. I was with her earlier tonight, we were so close together, I could almost feel her breath when she spoke to me. It sent chills down my spine. She has this thing of moulding herself against me when we are together, and it just makes me want to jump on her and do all sorts to her...god, the thought of her makes me want to take that trip...Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's just me being silly about it all. If anything, the one thing I am least experienced at is relationships. I have mountains of experience when it comes to other things...like sex, for an obvious example, just when it comes down to the relationship thing...maybe it's just my young side, unsure on rocky ground,or maybe because of my ex that I am cautious on relationships. I haven't had one since her...*sighs* well, I know I'm gonna say something to one of them soon. I can't stay silent on it for much longer. I hate holding secrets for too long. But who do I talk to? Aimee, or Sonia? The old flame, or the one who I share a roof with? Or should I just let things lie, and move on?

Hmm...I'm rambling again. O well, better out than in, I suppose...god, I hope Tiggsz don't see this, she is close to Aimee...

Tiggsz' Sexual Adventures...Part 1....

it all started as i walked through the front door him in his jeans and her in his t shirt. we went upstairs listened to some music, he went out and came back with liquor, we drank wine and things got heated he said " go on girls i know you want to" she came over to me a kissed me.he came over too and we shared a passionate 3 way kiss and things got even more heated we undressed and as he climbed on top of her she pulled me in closer and kissed me and then slid her hand down my boxers and started playing with me clit teasing me, she then slid her fingers inside me making me extremely wet. we then swapped and i climbed on top of him and made him cum so hard whilst i was riding him i had slid my fingers into her giving her a multiple orgasms. we fooled around some more then he had to give up so us girls carried on and gave him an impressive show then we all layed there and cuddled and fell asleep in each others arms. Tiggsz

The Reason For My Good Mood At This Early Hour...

I have recently had a mind blowing foursome with Harry, his girlfriend, her best mate, and myself. It was a... spontaneous decision. I was doing my usual late night sessions on Facebook, and Harry pops up on chat. At first it's niceties, the normal hello's, how are you's and such until he drops in the most random question that I have ever had online. "Do you wanna meet for some fun with my girl and her mate?" I, off all things, took a step back. Jesus, he must of said something now, so I asked. "Yeah, she knows." "I take it it's her idea?" "No, her mate's." uh-huh. "OK...where are we gonna meet?" "My place."

Shit. I wasn't expecting this, to be honest I wasn't prepared for it. So, picking up my keys and the usual crap I carry when out, I head to his. On the way, I was thinking if this was a joke, some prank on his behalf, he has pulled that on people from time to time. It wasn't. AS soon as I knocked on the door, I was being snogged by his Tammy's, Harry's girl's, mate Rachel. She intro'd herself, and pulled me into the living room, where Harry and Tammy were waiting. Tammy slapped me when she saw me, then kissed me. She said she didn't like the fact that I condoned his actions, but liked the fact I kept him right. I had to stop everything for a moment (Rachel was starting to kiss Harry, I was guessing that this sort of thing happened before), and asked if this was for real. Harry merely said "Yes." Alright then, I thought, who shall I have first...

This was my first four-way, and I have never felt so euphoric, no erotic, in my life. To feel Harry between my thighs, while Tammy's legs were wrapped around my face, was something else. Of course, toys were involved. We experimented with different positions, Harry having a vibe inside his arse while I devoured his cock. Tammy writhed in pleasure as I  thrusted into her pussy, Rachel feeding a thick, black dildo into her other hole. Stepping back while Rachel and Tammy, played with each other, Harry walking around, taking every angle of the events unfolding in front of us. Having Rachel against the wall, never slowing, never stopping. Harry taking a vibe to me, while feeding his own in as well. It all felt so natural. To be played with, to see a blond and a brunette fighting over my dick. To have Harry explode all over me, and to have both girls lick their way around my body...To have three gleaming holes wanting me to pleasure them. To cum over the faces of all three, damn I have never came so hard in my life...

It was the most intense sex session I have had in a long while, and I gave Harry a text, thanking him for the unexpected fun. He said to me: "No problem, maybe we could all do it again sometime." Oh I hope so Harry, I hope so...

Two Weeks On...

Two weeks later, my role within the crew was quickly decided. Since I had no commitments, in a sense, I was glued to Jimmy's side. That was fine with me, he supplied me with whatever I needed. Whether it would be smokes, drugs or alcohol, I had a constant supply. In a way I didn't like using him like this, but he pushed my objections away.

“Your are valued to me, Az. I have to make sure you're in good nick, eh?”

I wasn't entirely sure of what he meant by that. If he wanted me in good nick, why didn't he cut the line? I mean, my intake of the stuff should destroy me, constantly consuming more than enough alcohol to kill a horse in a week. Still, didn't mean that it was all fun and games. We had shit to deal with. There had been a lot of...disturbances lately, and that concerned me. My area was a quiet one, at best, things only flared up the summer months. It was November, and a cold one at that.

“Fiends never sleep.” That was Tetron's motto. I think he was a bit of a philosopher, always coming with a quote or two at random moments. Tetron. He was a wizened old fool, in my opinion, always with the quotes, always on the scotch. He reminded me of a pissed monk, at times. I remember the old priest I see on school trips to the local church back when I was a child. The two acted so alike it was uncanny. He had a thing for kicks as well, so he was a sort of Buddhist monk in a way. At least he weren't a preacher, like Pews. True to his name, he was a devout Catholic, and wore his cross with pride. He would read a bible passage out loud every day, whether or not of it's relevance. If it weren't for his love of hoods and tracksuits, I'm sure he would wear the collar. God only knows.

One Saturday night, during what seemed to be a regular piss up at Jimmy's, most of the crew were in full raving mode. The music was loud, the cocktails strong, and the pounding headache I had that night would just not stop. I took refuge in the 'Stone Shed', a wooden hut at the back of the garden. I sat in a deck chair, and rolled up another joint. At least it helped, to a point. I had put the Hi-Fi on a station which mellow music was the order of the day. Love songs and chilled grooves, just what I needed. There was a knock on the door.

“Az, you in there?” It was Lady K.

“Come in.”

Lady K swooned in, her favourite tipple in one hand, two glasses in the other.

“Jimmy was wondering where you had got to, so I thought I would take a look around.”

“With a bottle of vodka and a couple of glasses? Looking to get me drunk darling?” She merely giggled, filling the glasses up and handing one out to me. I took it, and set it on the table, picking up the beer bottle in the process.

“So, hows your face?”

“not too bad, still twinges when I laugh though.”

“That just means that your still alive. Oh, Intel wanted to know if you wanted that Nokia he's got.”

“Uh huh, I'll chat to him about that tomorrow. Can't be arsed with business right now.”

“Fair enough.”

We sat in silence for a while, the laughs of the others drifting across from the house. I took a moment to take concept of the situation I was in. Here sat a beautiful, if drunk, girl who, according to Intel, had a thing for me, and here sat me feeling at my shittest. It didn't look good to me, plus the Joints I had been self medicating on weren't having the effect I needed. K was fiddling with her phone. Texting, by the look of it. I let her on, not really in the mood for conversation.

“Az.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like me?”

“what do you mean?”

“as in 'I want to be in bed with you' sort of like.”

Erm....hell yes! was my first thought, but I wasn't an arse, so I took something a little conservative.

“Well...yeah, I do.”

“Really?! Then why haven't you said something? Every other wank-stain I come across always try and pull me, yet your the first bloke I know who hasn't. How come?”

“Because I ain't a wank-stain, love.”

“oh.”

Hmm, nice. I get a 'oh' for not trying. Real fucking nice.

“What about you? DO you like me?”

She giggles slightly, fiddling with the zip of the hoodie she was wearing. “I suppose so, I mean you impressed me the night we first met. And you have been a nice guy to me. I've never known anyone willing like you before.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you're always on the road, picking up this and that, doing favours for those fuckers without any question. And yet, you never expect anything in return.”

“well maybe I should start charging then.” I said with a chuckle. She laughs too and leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I turned my face at just the right moment, her lips touching mine. She pulls away, then comes back for more. I replied with a kiss back, and soon we were all over each other. She climbs on top me, straddling my legs. I wrap my arms around her waist, hands feeling their way around her back. She pulls the shoulders of top away from mine, and reaches down to pull my t-shirt up. I started undressing her, pulling at her zip.

Suddenly K pulls away, throwing her hood on the other chair “DO you want me, Azrael Angel?”

“I do.”

“then come here.”

I stand up from my seat, reach for her. I pull her into my arms, noticing the smell of her perfume. I could fell hands underneath my top. I felt her breath against the crook of my neck. She tugged at my shirt, and I lifted my arms. Topless, I slid the straps of her vest down her arms. She threw my tee to the side, and went for the buckle on her jeans.

Damn, I thought, this girl really does like me. I reached for the clasp on her bra, snapping it away. I've known this girl for two weeks now, and I was about to share a 'bed' with her. I couldn't help but smile.

“What're you smiling at?”

“Oh nothing, babe.” I kiss her passionately, her returning the favour. I felt the weight of my jeans slip away, and a cool breeze wafting against my legs. I was unusually warm that night, but I weren't complaining. I lowered her jeans, and reached for her. I could tell of her excitement, and that got me going too. I hooked the straps of her thong, and pulled gently on them. She had her hand against my crotch, and smiled.

“Mmm, someone's in a good mood.”

“That maybe,” I said, and lowered her body to the floor. “At least the feeling is mutual.” She giggles at that, slips her hand inside the elastic of my boxers.

The following morning, I emerged from the Shed to have a smoke. Lady K was on the floor, resting on the leather jacket I owned, her hood covering her modesty. I closed the door, and went to the house to get a coffee. The carnage of last was evident all over the semi, bottles and cans peppered the scene. Tame's dark mass enveloped the arm chair he slept in. Arch, bless her soul, had collapsed on the dining table. There were noises coming from the kitchen, so I went in.

“Good morning Az.” Jimmy welcomed.

“Morning, good night?” I returned, putting the kettle on. HE nodded. “Cuppa?” I asked.

“yeah go on then. Toast?”

“Erm... yeah, please.”

“two slices?”

“No, four.”

“Four?”

“Yeah, K's out back in the Shed.”

“Oi oi, get lucky then, mate?”

“maybe,” I said with a smile.

“You cheeky bugger!” Jimmy laughed. That was the thing with Jimmy, calling someone cheeky whenever they get lucky, never minded it though. I think he liked the gossip.

“so, go on, what happened?”

“TO be honest, what happened between me and K is gonna stay that way Jim.”

“Not even a rating?!”

“Not even that.”

“Damn, must have been good then.” I had to laugh at that, he was good at clocking on to things. TO tell you the truth I did tell him what happened a few days later, but by then everyone knew, so it wasn't really a big secret.

“where's everyone else?” I asked.

“oh, here there and everywhere.”

“same as usual then, eh?”

“yeah, something like that.”

I finished up the coffee, making enough for Jim, K and myself, and stubbed the cigarette in an ashtray. Jimmy had just finished making the toast so I grabbed a plate and went out back. WE sat on the patio furniture, lighting up a cigarette. I noticed Pews in corner, huddled up to a beer bottle.

“That guy is strange one.”

“who?” Jimmy asked.

“Pews, sat over there with a bottle for a bed mate.”

We both laughed. I heard music coming from the Shed. “K must be awake.” I said, and got up to see her. She was getting her clothes on. I opened the door and went in. She looked up in shock, then realised it was me.

“Oh, hey, where'd you go?”

“Get a bit to eat and have a smoke. Got you a bit too.”

“Oh, sweet, thanks babe.” And leaned in and kissed me. I kissed back, taking hold of her. She held me back, and stood there for a moment and enjoyed each other. It was passionate kiss. She wandered around my lower back, nails stroking my skin.

“Oi, you two love birds gonna come out and eat? Or are you let the toast get cold?” Jimmy shouted out. K and I laughed.

We got out after moment more, then joined Jimmy at the table. We sat and had a cigarette, and caught up with last night's events. Seems Kane had a bit of mad one, doing all sorts of drinking games with Tetron, who's a good holder of his drink. Kane was apparently passed out in the bath, after being sick a few times. Guy's a nut-job. He was always doing stupid shit like that. Excellent little joker though. Always joking around, even though he went to a bit of the extreme sometimes.

Geek got lucky and all. Seems he got a bit frisky with Shade's younger sister, Tam. Tam's a funny one. Not part of the group per-sé, but around whenever we got a session going on. Still, seems everyone had a good night. This group is always together, no matter what. Some of them work and that, but whenever they are off we are forever meeting up.

It takes a lot to be a part of the Angels, as you will see soon. However, it weren't all just blood and lust, but there was a hell of a lot of it in there.

-.AA.-

My Life From Birth to the Dark Angels

Now, as I sit here listening to Clash Magazine's new compilation set, it has suddenly dawned on me to write down a chapter in my life which, not only created the person I am now, but also showed me that some things in life are not able to be controlled.

But first, a rather short history lesson of my life before then. When I was born twenty years ago, I was thrown into a torrent of arguments, abuse, and violence. My father, typically, was an alcoholic. He used to knock me about after heavy drinking sessions down the pub. Mother dearest was an overly protective person. She smothered me love, and tried to protect me, and my brother, from the wastelands of the city. I knew nothing because of that.

When I first started primary, I immediately rebelled. I hated authority, and the authority hated me back. A basket case, apparently. A problem child with learning and behavioural difficulties. I couldn't be controlled. I was that kid that everyone hated, yet everyone didn't understand me. That was how things Went for a very long time. It wasn't until I was around eleven years old that it stepped up a gear. Now to be honest I wasn't a fighter, I was the hell-raiser of the classroom. I wouldn't do my work, I would throw things, steal, argue, anything to distract me from the interesting pieces of 'art' that covered the door or wall of the classroom. I was a bright kid, I just didn't have the common sense to prove it.

Then secondary school hit, and I knew things would get interesting. I had an older friend that told me high school was where the fun was. My first day there, I understood what he meant. I was beaten up by three boys on first break, and then I got the blame for it. It was ironic, as the authority told me I wouldn't be hurt, then they go ahead and give me the slap for the fight. Enjoyable I must say. It sort of went like for two and a half years. By then I was on edge, I was failing at school, I wouldn't listen to anyone, except for the year eleven group that took me under their wing. They were a lovely group, it's a shame I can't remember their names. Anyway, I was in a tech class working on a project, when some boy, who I've been fighting for a while, hit me round the back of the head with a wooden mallet. I responded with his face in a circular sander. I was expelled for that, and quite right too. No one should get away with that.

A few weeks later, I moved to my second high school. By now I was learned enough to know that I could both play the system, and the peers in my year. I was smoking by then, so asking for a light was a good ice-breaker. I started mixing in with, strangely enough, both sides of the year, the townies and the grungers. Both groups hated each other with a passion. It was so bad that even the teachers had a segregation system in place so that both sides couldn't fight each other in the class rooms. I sort of became a middle man between the groups, giving info and messages through the grapevines. There were two other that followed a similar rule. Both hated me from the off-set. About after a month after I started, one of them had a go at me for taking over what was essentially his only defence from a beating. I simply told him to fuck off. The boy stood there for a moment, visibly shaking. You could tell he was insecure, stuck with the knowledge that his world was crashing down. He threw a punch at me, trying to destroy his threat. I beat him down. The crowd that had gathered cheered, excitedly buzzing at the fact that this weedy little new boy took out that kid. I revelled in it, now knowing my place in the school was safe for a while.

I started to relax a little, but then the grunger half of the year collectively decided that I wasn't worthy of their companionship. A few of them got the jump on me in the main boy's toilets a few months later. I fought back, hoping that a townies I was close to, or even the authority, was coming through the door. Luckily a couple of townies came in. They joined me in taking them out. Need less to say, we got them Grungers are good with a row, but shit when it goes down to the battlefield.

Looking back at it I think that fight was the start of my decline. After becoming a fully fledged townie, I changed into a thus. I was constantly battling other people, gave the school a run for there money, even started on the booze and drugs.

As soon as I hit fifteen, the shit hit the fan. My final year of secondary school was going to start. I panicked, and decided that, since I was not the only one whose grades had slipped, start up a group within the townie side in order to try and keep myself in good nick. It worked to a point, a good group of us managed to pick up a few grades. I just had one thing to do before I left school.

The lad I fought nigh on two years ago was spreading shit about me, going on about I screwed some bird who was, shall we say, on the larger side. I couldn't have that hanging on my head, no fucking way. So I went looking for him, get him to apologise to me for turning that rumour mill on this piece of shit. The thing is, the bird he's been saying about in this rumour had been banging him since the start of year ten. Everyone knew about it, yet some arseholes thought it was funny to shout it out whenever I walked past. I eventually found him drifting around the P.E department. I didn't bother waiting around, I was too pumped.

Calling out his name, I shouted at him to confess that he was spreading the lie, and that he still holds a grudge against me for kicking his arse. He denied both of course, but I knew he was lieing After another five minutes of shouting, I gave up on the little prick, but when I turned away, he hit me square in the back of the head. Damn coward. I hate it when people do stupid things behind my back. I turned around and battered him. Hit after hit came pouring out. After I eventually finished beating him in front of half the school, I walked off. No words, nothing which showed my feelings at all.

Now, I don't know why that exact fight sticks out. but I think it showed to everyone I was in contact with on a near daily basis that I have turned cold. Well, when I say cold, I still have some feeling inside me, like when I beat that boy up, I felt the emotions. Rage, anger, exhilaration, pride even, yet I never showed it. It scared me when I first realised this, but then without that ability, I probably wouldn't of made it out of that school alive, or intact. Not long after that, I finished school, with some form of grades as well.

Everything now became a crawl. I got bored, so I wandered around the area, randomly meeting up with people I knew, and got drunk and high off cannabis. That went on for a good couple of months, and my life changed again.

I was sitting at a bus a stop in the pouring rain, when I met an acquaintance called Jimmy. A twenty one year old, with a kid and a girl, he was the most mature man I knew at the time. We started chatting away, as I hadn't seen him for a while , then he asked what I was up to, I said "Nothing much."

"Do you wanna come over for a drink?"

"Sure, why not?" And that was it, my ticket to my place in whatever world the dead sinners go was ready. I didn't realise it at the time, but I was going to be doing a lot more than drinking that night. We headed over to his, poured a glass of vodka and coke, sparked up and chatted. We went on about all sorts, games, tele, films, people, kids, whatever took our thoughts across.

After a while, Jimmy's phone went off. Whoever it was on the other end of the line, they were coming over, and they had friends. Jimmy and I poured another, and waited for these people to come over, since they had some booze and gear on them. When they got there, I couldn't believe it. Eleven of them waltzed in. They were an odd looking lot, all different walks and styles. When names were introduced, I tried hard not to laugh. They were: Shade, Arch, Geek, Pews, Tetron, LIl'Jim, Tame, Made, Kane, Intel, and Lady K.

Now Lady K stuck out in this motley crew. Blonde hair, curvy, gorgeous face, she was beautiful. Everyone else were, well, not unlucky in the looks department, but nothing special. I had to take a moment to realise that I hadn't even announced myself yet.

"My name is Azrael." Pews laughed. "And what's funny about that, mate?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing. I just know that name means, and also why is such a weedy thing like you has that name anyway?"

"Oh OK, it's just a name I found online. What does it mean?"

"It means Angel of Death." Damn, I wasn't expecting that one. I named myself after biblical character. Lovely. Still, I quite liked it though. There is a sense of poeticalness in it I think.

After that little discovery, the night wore on. Drink kept coming, and cigarettes kept burning. I slowly got to know the group, taking particular interest in Lady K and Tame. With Tame, he isn't the sort of man you would want to meet in a dark alley. Dark skinned, broad shoulders, and a fiery temper to match, the guy can rip a man's head clean off. Lady K on the other hand, she was a gentle soul. Caring and loving, yet the girl can party hard. We was chatting away when Intel got a call. After a short conversation, he hung up. "We got trouble."

“What's up mate?" Jimmy said.

"Some lads from North West are in the area causing shit. PU got fucked." Oh no. PU were known for holding their area like dogs. This meant trouble for my ends. Jimmy got up like a shot.

"Right guys, you know what this means. Tool up and get the cars. Az, come with me." I didn't have a clue what was going on, so I followed Jimmy into the kitchen. "Take these." He handed me a chef's knife and a cleaver.

"What the fuck are these for?"

"For fighting, obviously." Shit. I heard there were people in the area, carrying weapons to do their business with, I didn't realise it was this lot.

"Are you coming or what?" Jimmy was waiting by the front door.

"Er...yeah, I'm coming." We got to the cars, I jumped into the 206 with Jimmy. Shade, Tetron and Arch were in the back. Intel came running over.

"They're at Sainsbury Junction."

"Got ya, tell the others to get in quick." Jimmy responded. I then understood who this lot were. I heard rumours that a crew in the area were running the show. Somehow, I found the strength to ask Jimmy.

"Jimmy, are you lot the Dark Angels?" Shade, Arch and Tetron laughed. Jimmy looked at me, slight shock on his face.

"You heard about us?"

"Only rumours. No one knows who you lot are."

"OK...we'll talk about this later. In the mean time, get your bandanna on." We got to the junction in about five, maybe six minutes. The fight had already started. Everyone except those in in our car were in the thick of it.

"Azrael, you have a choice, pitch in or run. Your choice." I couldn't answer. How was I supposed to fight alongside this lot? It would be a joke. We got out of the car. Jimmy and the others ran in. I watched the carnage unfold. The Dark Angels and these North West lads were scrapping it out big time. Lil'Jim, with his white New Era hat stained in blood, fell to the ground, some black guy looming over him. I don't know what come over me, but I jumped in, punching the guy away. I pulled up Lil'Jim, and carried on hitting this boy. I completely forgot about the knives in my jacket. I can't remember the exact point but someone slashed me in the face. I reeled back, blood pouring from the cut. Something smacked me around the back of the head. I passed out.

I came to the following morning. A headache had surfaced. The cut under my eye stung, tape irritating my eyelid. I shifted slightly to feel where I was. A bed. Single. At least it weren't concrete. Music was playing somewhere. R'n'B. Hands were on my chest.

"You awake yet?" Said a voice. I opened my eyes to see Lady K there. I merely smiled. "You gave us a scare there, Az, we thought we lost you."

"Ugh. Where am I?" I groaned.

"My place. I said to Jimmy that I'll watch over you."

"'Kay. How's Lil'Jim?"

"He's fine. Shaken, but fine. Can you get up at all?" I tried to get up, but my head weren't having none of it. I laid back down, Lady K laughed. "Guess not then. Ha-ha." I felt a breeze, and realised my clothes were missing. I checked to see if my boxers were there. They were, luckily. "Your clothes are in the dryer. Got most of the blood out, but the stitching is orange on your jacket now."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. By the way Jimmy wants to see you later. He said to go round at eight."

"Why?"

"Not sure, we'll have to see." I think she was lieing to me at that point, the smile she gave sort of gave the game away. I managed to get up after a while, got dressed, and had a cup of tea. Me and Lady K sat in her room for most of the day, chatting away about random things, until I asked what happened after I got knocked out.

"Well, after you fell, Tame went mad, battering everyone in his way. Most of them scattered soon after. You wasn't the only one to go down. Geek got knifed pretty badly."

"Is he OK?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Shade's with him at the moment. She texted earlier saying Feds were questioning the shit out of them. Lil'Jim is pretty bruised up and all. Would of been worse if it weren't for you."

"That's good to hear."

"Come on, let's get to Jimmy." We made our way down to Jimmy's, which meant going past the junction. Police were on it big time, a white tent over the scene. I had to laugh. Funny how those damn killjoys weren't around the night before. After getting off the bus, which was a silent journey, round the corner from our destination, Lady K kissed me square on the mouth.

"Thank you Az, things could of gone worse than they did."

"Er...no problem." I wondered why she kissed me then, but I didn't have time to find out.

"Hey Azrael. How you feelin'?" Was Made's shout. Now Made was a strange guy. He came from a wealthy, well spoken family, educated, and had big plans. Yet he loved nothing more than being in the thick of it.

"Not too bad, facer hurts like hell though."

"Sweet." When we headed down to Jimmy's, he greeted us at the door. He seemed in good nick, as well as spirits.

"Az! K! Made! Good to see you guys are al-right." We headed inside to the house, bottles and cans of half-finished booze sitting around. Intel, Arch and Lil'Jim were there. As soon as Lil'Jim saw me he got up and hugged me.

"Cheers Azrael, you helped out big time last night."

"Erm...thanks mate." Was my muted response.

"OK guys, grab a seat." Jimmy called. We grabbed a seat each, Lady K beside me, her hand on my forearm. "So, Azrael, me and the guys have been thinking and we have decided that with what you did, we want you to be a part of us." I was in shock.

"You serious?"

"Yeah."

"Well...I think I can do that."

"Brilliant," Jimmy went on. "So, as per tradition, we are going to get smashed. But, one thing before we do, how did you know about us?"

"Well, a friend of mine saw you guys in action when my estate flared up a few months back. You know, when Lundy became a battlefield?"

"Oh, I remember that," Made said. "That shit was live!" The crew laughed.

And there it was. I earned my right to roll with this crew. I was...I don't know. Ecstatic, maybe. Nervous, definitely. It came as a surprise to me that this crew welcomed me. Yet, I didn't care. The thing is, if I knew what would happen later, I wouldn't of accepted the offer, yet I probably would be more socially aloof, as my GP puts it, and only would of dreamed of some of the shit that I've done since. Kind of a catch twenty two. I mean, I would of not felt shit like I do now, but won't be as wise as I am now.

-.AA.-

Do You Know What?

Fuck it. Sometimes it takes too long in my life for me to care anymore. yet, at this moment in time, I do give a damn. Last month, I received word that my Grandma had passed away. As I was very close to her, closer than my mum in some respects, I felt completely at a loss. I lost the biggest influence in my world, and I can not turn to someone. That didn't help. Yet, if anything, I tried to keep it quiet, especially at college. I had work experience at the time, and I had to leave to help with the preparations. I was working alongside Ferdi, one of the guys that was on the course with me and took the same post as me for work experience, grilled the Team Leaders to why I weren't showing up. he already knew of my Grandma's previous stays at hospital, so when Benson, one of the Team Leaders, mentioned something about family issues, he twigged on. He called me the Friday after her death and said to me 'my condolences, mate, i hope you are coping.' Truth was, I weren't. I had time off college, I was progressively becoming recluse, and smoking more and more each day. Then the following Wednesday, I went into College. It was the day before and I only went in to grab some paperwork and have a chat to the Leaders. I took one step into the class, and everyone stopped to look at me. They knew by now, so it wasn't long before the period of awkwardness and mumbled apologies. I never get that, saying sorry to hear about death to someone. Anyway, The funeral came and went, a little revelation at a wake (apparently, the second-woman-I-have-ever-slept-with's mother grew up with my mother, both were army kids, who knew?), which surprised me, now my love life took a good turn.

Zoe, an old, younger friend from the Red Lion days, started up a relationship with a Toni's sister, Leigh. Then I found out from Toni, who is under the same roof as me, started sleeping with her behind Leigh's back. Now, me being me, saw opportunity in this situation, and I don't mean in a good way. I offered Zoe to come over for a drink between the two of us, to which she agreed. She came over, looking like she always does, tight clothes showing off near enough everything. We sat and reminisced over Apple Sourz and Stella. It's funny how much can come up from the past. Conversation moved on, and with the added courage of drink in me, ventured into her subject of her love life. She sighed for a moment, and told me the whole thing. Now, for the sake of simplicity, I'll give the basics. Her relationship with Leigh started up my chance, meeting at a house rave and hitting off from there. Soon came the meeting with Toni, and it changed again. Zoe said that every time she was with Leigh, she thought of Toni, and that included when the couple were fucking. So she started linking Toni on the sly when Leigh was elsewhere. And now she feels closer to Toni than she does Leigh, but she can't dump Leigh on that alone. Leigh takes after Toni in most respects, and that includes the self harm. Leigh, like Toni, falls for everyone she meets, so you can imagine the pain this girl has went through each and every time. Leigh said to me once before I met with Zoe that if she found out Zoe had been sleeping around, she would top herself. Same old story then.

A few drinks later, and the flirting starts. I tell Zoe about what I thought of her while we grew up, that girl who you know is going to be overtly sexual, but you know the label you would get if we slept together (There was a lot superficial-ness in those days, so image and respect counted). She laughed at that, and kissed me. I could not resist, She is insanely erotic, taking every opportunity to turn on every one in the room. Things moved quickly, ending up under the covers of my bed. the sex was good. She knew her way around a man's body, and quickly worked out what gave someone pleasure. I had a feeling she took control a lot during sex, pushing to do what she thought would be good. I didn't let her, taking charge myself and pleasured her in every way I knew. She was...impatient at times, wanting to work on me, but not getting anywhere. It's true what they about men being impatient lovers, but for a guy and an impatient woman to share a bed, well it's a different experience in itself really. Fighting to take control of the motions, dealing out the pleasure in ways that suits us best. It turned things into an exciting game.

We have been seeing each other more since then, both with the others about and in private. Only one person knows about the four way romance, and that is Stephen. He is my confidant in Chilton, so his wisdom on things help in my life. He warned me about getting involved with Zoe like that, being Toni's, and Leigh's, response to when their love interest is fucking other people. I respect his view, but I am not going to stop. I like seeing Zoe when I do, and anyhow, Toni and Leigh are too high all the time. Sounds selfish, I know, but like I said, fuck it. Got nothing to lose, ain't I?

Well, time for me to sort my life out. I shall return very soon.

-.AA.-

What to Say...What to Say...

Oh I don't know. Sometimes I wonder what I do about things, as in if the solution is the best one. It's been a while guys, and I have been meaning to do a new post for so long...still, now I'm here, I might as well.

Well, I have lost the job. Had a minor disagreement with a colleague, and I got a bit "heated". Gone, straight away. Oh well, at least I got the flat still. Oh look, lose that and all. Now it's the hostel period of my life. Welcome benefits. And the cheap life.

As you can see, I am a bit sarky this evening. Shouldn't be, but that's how it goes. My mind works in mysterious ways at times. The shit I pull at times...ahh, fuck it, ain't no point in it now, gotta keep moving.

Any way, where I'm living at now. Chilton House, P3 owned private establishment. Ain't bad though, got a nice bed, smallish room, yet cosy. Decent kitchen and bathroom, with cleaning and toilet gear included. The crowd in here is good as well. We have got a butch, suicidal lesbian, a young alcoholic lass, an ex-con, a straight up girl, a pretty boy, a geek, and a lazy slob of a chick. All of them good, decent people. The staff are nice too. A mad manager, who has two other jobs to do on top of running the place, a crazy guy, and a mad old cow. A weird lot, but still a good lot.

Work at the moment is thin on the ground. A few things look promising, yet you don't know in these times. It's hard I can't get anything at all. I can get courses and programmes, but not as available at times. At least I can enjoy my time here, chilling out with the others, doing some of the most random shit you can think of. Having a few random Facebook uploads of photos and videos of stupid shit. it seems childish I know but, it gets extremely funny at times. You literally can't stop laughing at times.

Anyhow, there have been a few changes in the meantime. I've been doing the naughty and sleeping around again. It's just been one of them times you know. I don't feel ready for a relationship now. I really could not be bothered to have one. Too much hassle right now. Maybe another time on that. Still though, Did have a chance with one girl. Kim, her name was. A Brummie by nature, and a serial girl to boot. Was on one of the courses that I have been on. It was during a residential, when she made a move. Best night of the outing.

Anyway, been rabbiting on too much now. Time to go. Till next time my friends.

-.AA.-

A Long-overdue, Long-winded, Long-in-itself, Post

Right now, where to begin...it's been nearly a month since I last posted, work of all things!, and I thought it best that I have a good update now, since I may not be able to for a while. Rolling on in, my relationship with Sonia has ended. She struck the blow because she thinks I'm an workaholic. I'm not, merely a man who is putting in the extra shifts, just so that Sonia and I can go do things and see places without having worry about anything else. She still didn't like the fact that work tied my hands for pretty much most of the seven day week, only meeting up on a sunday morning, then me disapeering off to work the late shift. I'm not one to complain, but in all my life, I have never heard such half-heartedness in all my life. When we wern't together, we would speak on the phone nigh on constantly, countless texts and emails, it wasn't as if we was not in contact with each other. Maybe it's just me, Maybe it's just that old paradigm at work. I can never be sure.

Moving on I am moving on Monday to a new flat closer to the town centre, and, admittedly, my work. The rent is cheaper, though, and it's in a nicer area. I need to buy some new furnishings though. My fridge took a beating when I moved it the other day. It sort of got...dropped down some stairs. It's costing a small fortune as it is with labour costs, giving my mates a few bob here and there to give a hand, plus a wide variety of takeaways. As well as the usual things like paint, flooring, locksmiths, etc.

I'm now promoted to assistant manager of the pub I workat, sort of. It's more like an under study to the managment, but my wage goes up a bit, and my hours smooth out a little. Only a little though, I still have to take on the extra shifts to keep the place going.

Now, I know in a previous post I said I'll try to get that video of me in the kebab shop, but to no avail. Never mind though, it wern't excactly a ground breaking routine.

So that's all for now, a bit shorter than I thought, but it's been quieter than usual this past month considering it's the holidays.

Night all.

-.AA.-

Questioning....

I recently took on a ton of extra shifts at work due to someone leaving. At the time things were steady. After a few weeks though, Sonia decided to break up with me. She said to me that I paid more attention to work than her. She's half right. Yes I took on the extra hours, but I only did because the money involved would of meant the two of us would be able to get away at the end of the month. She also said that when things settled down a little bit in my life, we could maybe try again. The thing is, I doubt it. An old friend of hers has been sniffing aroung lately. Now that we are apart, he might just get the idea to make a move.

On the other hand though, I got what I needed. Disruption. Chaos to the order of things. It's nice to have it, yet, as other things have showed me in life, it came at a price. It always does with me. It don't feel like a karma sort of thing though. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's just life's way of doing things.

-.AA.-

Welcome To The Metropolitain

Hey all, sorry about the lack of posts this past few days, but I had my birthday recently (Twenty, yay!), and I've been so busy with all the constant stream of night's out, party's and what not, I've only just managed to sit myself down to get through shit.

Anyhow, I should tell you about my last few days on a constant bender, and I will, eventually, but first, a little encounter that happened on the first that needs beating of my chest. I bumped into Jess when out to pick up some bits for mother dearest. At first sight she storming over, looking all hellfire-is-about-to-explode-from-her-head. Not within ten paces, she screamed all sorts of abuse in the middle of town. Ensue major argument in which local PCSO's come over to 'diffuse' the situation. A lot of what was said was old news (see previous blog posts for the info), yet still felt more like it all came about the day before. I have a feeling my wounds are still open, but still, that can't be helped. Jess kept going on and on about all this shit because she thought we hadn't finished. All I said was "We have fucking finished, you idiotic fool. You ended this argument the moment you threw that goddamn punch!" "But you..." "Who gives a flying fuck what I ain't done! You made your opinion crystal-fucking-clear at the fucking end of it!" The PCSO's came by then. They asked what was going on, and to keep it down, as I was disturbing the other shoppers. All I said to them was that there is no scene, except the one she was trying to make. I walked off, leaving her to explain things to that lot. I got a nice, shitty little text from her later that day. I haven't replied, don't want to waste the energy on some girl.

A couple of days later, things picked up rather nicely. It was my birthday, I had the next seven days off, and I had some long overdue meets to attend to. First things first, a lovely meal with the family. That included: my mum, her OH, my three brothers, my grandparents, my uncle and aunt and their four kids (I know, a big family!), which was insanely funny to say the least. Straight after that, ensue a very long, very drunk, piss up at my favourite bar. There were only about eight of us, myself and Sonia included, but I reckon that was more than enough of us to do the dirty. God, I was so far gone (which is rare), I honestly do not remember getting back home. The last thing I do remember is the kebab shop. They had dance playing out, I could not resist dancing about like an idiot. I do know of some video floating around somewhere, if I can get hold of it I'll post it up. Following day I back out for lunch, with Josi no less. It was great to see her at last. We spent the best part of three hours in that bar (the same one as yesterday), chatting away on absolutely everything and anything. It could of gone on so well, but she had a call out. Some family problem had come up. It was a shame, but we have found an evening free, so we will pick up from there. That night it was a house party at my flat with the group. No Sonia, as she had babysitting duty. Now there was a night worth remembering. All sorts happened. It was epic.

After that night, it was a five day climb down. It was that long because of my work had some live acts in, so I thought I'll head in. So that was basically it, minus a few illicit details which I'll go on at great length later. Until then guys.

-.AA.-

Too Many to Count

Now I have to say, as a young man about to hit his twenty's, that I can say what I am going to do with my life. But I can't. Life, for some reason or another, is being very fickle with me. As soon as something good has come up for me, it throws another spanner into the works. As strange as it is, I don't find it bad at all. In the contrary, it's rather liberating, to know that regardless of my ideals, I will always be dogged by something or rather.

So now is the time to explain a little bit about why I have insecurities over the three women in my life. The fact is, I was in a three year relationship with Jess. We had so much going, yet so much not. I mean, we share some massively good memories, like when the two of us ripped through Central London, making our way through every club from Soho to Camden we could find. Then there is others, like me screwing up, and then the whole street watching me crash and burn. At the end of it though, it all came to end quite spectacularly. We had this almighty row over a friend of mine I knew for years (not Sonia, thank God), whom was texting me a lot since she started working with me. Things got worse. All sorts of things started popping up. The times I couldn't make things like parties or do's, forgetting her at the airport, when I drunkenly snogged a girl at a club, and other tit bits. That was what made me mad, all of that stuff we done and dusted, closed the chapter, locked it way etc etc., yet she had the audacity to bring it all back up again. I thought, fuck that, enough is enough. I ended there and then. Cue punch to face. It shocked me, to feel a fist clocking my chin. I stood there, completely at a loss, this young woman, whom I have loved for the best part of three years, throwing a fist at me. I could do the only thing I could. I ran.

So there is the reason for my insecurities. It has given me so many questions now, none which I want to know the answer to. What doesn't help is that I have no perspective, no help I can rely on or go to. Though there is a little thing to help me through. Sonia and I are going for it, though on a slow path, as I still have some reservations about having a relationship in general. Also, Jessie and Josi are bugging me to meet with them. I am going to, but work and family conflict at the moment and I barely have enough time for myself. I'll just have to see how it goes for the time being.

-.AA.-

Goodbye, My Old Friend...

Today was my old friends funeral. He was cremated at the borough crematorium. It was a good turnout, many faces from his life were there. Friends, family, a lot of them. I was glad in a way, that he touched so many people one way or another.

So, as you can probably guess, I've been feeling a little withdrawn. I was happy to put on a charade to help his wife, but inside another piece of my heart died. I'm just reminded about all the others. Their lives, their deaths, funerals, as well as my old friend's. It's a long road, the one I'm on, and at every turn darkness overshadows any form of light in my life.

Though there is one thing that has popped up. My uncle has a tattoo on his right arm. It is all the names of those he has lost as well. It covers the length of his forearm, with seventeen names listed on his skin. It is a fitting tribute to those he lost, considering most of them he lost in combat.

I've decided to do the same. Each name marked on me, along with their years. I feel that I can carry such a thing on me. A reminder of those that I loved. I just hope that I can get it done tastefully.

Another thing has shocked me today. A long time friend and former battle brother called me not long after the funeral and asked if I wanted a drink. I agreed as I haven't had a good catch up with him in a while. So, we met at the usual place, bought a drink and sat down to chat. I originally thought that he had nothing else to do and thought that I could keep him company. I was wrong. He called to tell me that he was heading to prison for supplying drugs. I went mad, asking two hundred questions about where, when, how, why. He told me that he lost his job, and finding it hard to find another, so decided to do a little bit of dealing to keep his income in good order. Apparently someone tipped off the police, and they raided his flat in the morning a few months back. He has yet to be sentenced properly, but his lawyer reckons that, with the amount he was found with, it was a minimum of six months. He wanted us to meet as sort of a farewell drink. I couldn't complain about the idea. At least he was being honest. I asked him why he didn't asked for help, I would gladly give him some cash, or even let him move in. He said that he wanted to try and sort things out for himself. Well, it was his choice. I can only stand by him as a friend and an ally, whatever the circumstance.

Well that is basically the current events of my life so far. I am still indecisive to what I am going to do about Sonia. But it still early days, maybe it can be resolved soon.

-.AA.-

A New Start of Sorts...

Hello

I am something of an enigma. I don't know why but that is how I feel. Now in my experience, enigmas don't have problems, but I do...it is strange though. For a man of my age and wisdom, it is completely irrational. I have three women in my life which I care completely. One is an old friend who has recently waltzed into my life after six years. Her name is Sonia. Another is a girl across the country who I have met online. She's Jessie. The final one is a mature woman who I also met on the Internet. Her name's Josi.

Sonia

Now Sonis is a girl I've grown up with for most of my teenage life. We loved, we fought, we drunk, experimented, and anything else that kids did. After my time was cut at the school we went to together, we lost contact for over six years. At first it was strange, not hearing her voice, goading me into drinking half a bottle of wine while spinning. Then as time passed, the memories faded. Then, a week ago, she contacts me, demanding I see her for lunch. So, after making arrangements, me met. It felt like I was a child again. All the laughing, chatting, and booze brought up a thousand memories from my past. Also, old flames burned deep inside my heart. Intoxicated, I took her home, where against better judgement, made love with her for the most part of the afternoon. For some reason, I don't know why but it felt like we have done this act for years, the positions, the adrenalin, old emotions lit up by the days intake. We parted that night to attend to whatever duties we had that night. I walked aimlessly around the town, smoking Panamas and stealing the smile of the Cheshire Cat.

Jessie

I've known Jessie for a few months now. She kind, quirky and hilariously funny when drunk. She's also insecure, under-confident, and in severe denial about herself. No matter how many times I, or anyone else says how good she looks to her, she will block it. It annoys me to hell that she pulls up these walls, and drives up the wall when she randomly says she is an ugly, fat cow. The thing is, heart bleeds for her. I was once the insecure one in the corner, scratching at anyone who comes close. I want to help her so much. For some reason, I melt at the sight of a girl like Jessie.

Josi

Josi is a difficult one to describe. thirty years my senior, she looks barely looks a day over twenty five. Like most girls her age, she could mother me like a newborn baby. But she has a side I've never experienced in my short life. She wants something that, if I had the chance, I would give it to her without question. The problem is that I know I have not got a chance in hell to give it to her, so I would never experience being something that she needs. Yet, I can't stop thinking about her. She has been on my mind for about half of my waking hours.

So this is my dilemma. Should I pursue the old flame? Become a pillar for Jessie? Or throw everything to try and become a part of the older woman's life. It's driving me mad. I know love and lust are two separate emotions, but I can't separate them. Another factor to this dilemma is that I've recently ended a three year relationship because the girl wanted to travel and do the things she wanted to do. I can't complain about it, but my heart still wants her next to me in my bed, to feel her by my side on the long walks, to be able to take her hand carry her over the threshold. It's a problem I cannot solve. My only other option is to walk away from it all and concentrate on the other important things in life. But I don't want to that, at least, my romantic side of me don't want to to say the least.

I fear this problem, whatever it's outcome, would change just about everything in my life to an extent. I don't want to allow my life hang in the balance of this, but I fear it has become an integral part of it.

That is all for now, I hope I can decide my fate soon.

-.AA.-